The Ghosts of the Miseryeum 2015-07-06 15:00
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While taking a stroll on the island of Forfut, you may catch a glimpse of old Viktoria-Franka Enstein and her vile dog Kooki: she walks her dog along the walls of the Miseryeum. The Miseryeum… A dungeon at the crossroads of life and death... Who will be brave enough to face Mama Z?
Well, who? Okay, umm... Hey! What about you? Anyway, you wouldn’t be the first. But just maybe, if you’re real lucky, you might come back again... in one piece! Mwahahaha! As long as you don’t go running off half-cocked. As it happens, we have a transcript of an interview between the Mayor of Forfut and a mercenary named Mr. Jack. We haven’t heard from him since the end of last year, when he headed off to face “VFE” at the Miseryeum (which is not exactly a four-star hotel, after all). The poor guy must’ve had a pretty strange Kwismas.
“As you know, I’ve already alerted my citizens to the Vampyro threat. But I’ve sent for you, Mr. Jack, because things have gotten worse! Viktoria-Franka Enstein, who Vampyro hasn’t managed to transform into a Ghoul, has taken refuge in the Miseryeum.”
“You called me, Hiterode Jack, to flush a granny and her little dog out of a cave?!”
“A granny!!! We suspect that she’s creating monsters from pieces of corpses. Kooki, her dog, was the first! If they reach the village, we’ll all be lost!”
“I don’t believe this nonsense! Are you as yellow-bellied as the inhabitants of that village, whatchamacallit? Lago something, real far west, in the high plains. What a joke! Just point me in the right direction.”
“Oh! Getting to the dungeon is the easy part. Just follow the arrows marked ‘Level 77’ (don’t ask me why!) But then it gets harder. The Miseryeum is protected by the Zoogeymen. They’re a nasty family, let me tell you! Flatissier, Gore-Goner, Gargrowler… they’re all quite terrifying! And there’s no escaping them, either: they have the key.”
“Ahem... I just realized that I forgot to turn off the stove. Nice meeting you, but I’ve got to be going.”
“Wait! I didn’t even tell you about Mama Z’s powers or her terrible weapons: the Dismandabler and the Decorpsicator…”
“Really, that’s alright. Anyway, I’ve still got a princess to save, out Amakna way, I think. A real doll, or so I’ve heard. You couldn’t afford me anyway. Smell ya later!”
“I’ll give you a Kooki Set!”
“Have you seen me?”
“Okay, okay. I’ll throw in a Patched Set for some local flavor!”
“Yeaaah...”
“Uh…. Okay, I’ll give you my best item, but it’s my final offer: the Viktoriaus Rapier! It’s an epic weapon for level 85 and up (whatever that means): +1 AP, +60 HP, +25 Lock, +10 Ini, +4% CH, +70% damage in two elements, +30% single-target damage, +10 Resistance.”
“It’s a deal! Where do I go?”
“Head to the Mercenary Post. They’ll tell you what you need to know.”
“To quote one of my rivals, yipee-ki-yay.”
This strange expression was the last spoken by Hiterode Jack, or at least the last heard by human ears. Now you know as much as him: give it a go yourself tomorrow! And don’t forget to turn off the stove before you do! Mwahahaha!!!!!!