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Ankama Trackers

Sight Beyond Sight

By Rezilia#1726 - MEMBER - February 09, 2017, 04:34:30
Forward. This story is short, being made up completely of time skips. It makes little sense to those who do not understand the lore behind the franchise. It makes more sense to those who have read some of my suggestions. The work is semi-canon; places and events are theoretically canon, but characters and organizations are not. The Initiation is canon, but its official details are unknown.

Reader discretion is advised.

Act I

*Splash!* *Splish!* *Splash!*

It wasn't an easy bite to catch. The bow meow fish struggled against the Iop's rod, but the girl was far too smart for it. Observing the ripples on the water's surface, she knew exactly how to pull the rod and how fast to reel her prey in. This was the last haul of the day, just in time to see the early bird catch its worm.

Not too long after, Qrys was delivering the fish to her boss's stall. The kind, elderly man was the only townsperson humble enough to rely on a five-year-old girl's help, and it was the best decision he had made in years. So long as she used her atypical cunning to get him the baskets full of fish he could no longer get himself, he was all too happy to give her enough coin to buy the carrots and greens that made up her daily bento.

Walking along the market streets, eyes followed her everywhere. They all knew who she was - daughter of the great MacStrouds, an offshoot of the family that remained Iops when all of their cousins became Enutrofs. They believed that Iop was the only god who should be followed and, to that end, duked it out with each other from birth, eating the toughest of meat and espousing the greatness of their martial prowess.

The very things that made the MacStrouds famous in that town and beyond were the things that Qrys had no interest in. She made her prayers to Cra at the beginning and end of each day, and every time she was about to do an action she believed worthy of Cra's gaze. For this reason, her family looked at her with disgust, and the townsfolk saw her as a tragedy waiting to happen.

Yet, despite such circumstances, her kindness was paid in kind. The merchants always gave her a fair deal, and even her own family let her help Mr. Elmetto in respect to her work ethic. Even though she used intelligence to catch the fish, she carried a grown man's weight in baskets back through the town. If there was any sign of Iop in her, it would be that, and it was something her family did not want to jeopardize.

Waiting on the old bench before her siblings woke from their beds, she enjoyed her vision-enhancing bento of fish and veggies while the flavoured winds from the Cania Swamps drifted near her nostrils. Others found it to be the most disgusting part of living in Cania, but she loved the sense of otherness it gave to an otherwise typical town.

Soon enough, her siblings stumbled sleepily out of the house, their mouths lazily chewing giant gobball legs and their statures without discipline. Qrys's father towered behind them, his nostrils just as wrinkled in disgust of the smell as his children's, but he soon grew a smile when today, like every day, his daughter was already finished with her meal and waiting for the daily training to start.

'It's a waste for such a fine girl not to follow Iop.' The man's thoughts turned, as always, negative when he saw the bento he knew had carried eye food and the encyclopedia on geology that his daughter had been reading for the past week, her progress near its end. When was she going to get rid of that useless stuff? He already knew the answer, one that had been thrown at him since she was born.


The MacStrouds had a tradition - whether followers of Iop or Enutrof, it remained the same. When a child was old enough to recognize the world around them and interact with it, crawling just enough to make it across the room, their parents would lay out a group of items that would represent the child's interests, and the item the child picked would be their yearly gift as well as their lifelong hobby. For the Iops, these items were weapons, and before Qrys the infant was a battleaxe, a sword, a spear, a hammer, and even the honorless dagger.

Qrys was carefully laid onto the floor. Her parents showed her the items before her and said, "Pick one." She understood their request, crawling over to the sharp tools, and stopped. Looking at each weapon, she shook her head; none of these fit her interest. Out of the corner of her eye, on a high shelf, she saw the item she really wanted. Crawling over to the wall, she reached her hands in the air, to the confusion of her parents. But her mother, understanding the situation, lifted her daughter up - and was witness to Qrys hurriedly grabbing her grandfather's journal.

Everyone in the room was awestruck. The girl could not have known that her long deceased grandfather owned the journal, nor what its contents were. "Rip, your girl doesn't even have the greed of Enutrof," Baron MacStroud, their Enutrof cousin, spoke directly to Qrys's father, "She's a reader; whether Feca or Eniripsa, she's got knowledge in her soul."

Jaylise frowned at her husband, "Darling, we don't know how to handle this, what do we do?" Rip had no words for his wife, nor any hope for his daughter. All he could think was to raise her as an Iop and hope she'd use her books to be the world's most learned warrior.


The Legend is a funny thing. Everyone wants to join it someday, but dreams of glory never really match reality. Qrys learned this from her 214th book, From Incarnam to Excarnam, The Life of an Ordinary Twelvian, gifted to her by a travelling merchant one year and three months after finding her hobby. Her father, on the other hand, gained this wisdom by observing his daughter. The girl chose to follow neither Feca nor Eniripsa, but rather Cra; this made sense to him in a way, as an archer is still a fighter, but he didn't realize that Qrys's reasoning was far more selfish than that.

As her brothers and sisters pummeled each other into red blobs, Qrys watched carefully. She studied all of their moves, one by one, all of them captured in each split second. Rip could've sworn he saw Cra's gleam in her eyes even now, as the girl followed the combat perfectly. Soon enough, it was her own time to shine - she, the reigning champ, who won time and again through dirty tricks.

Qrys approached the center of the field, eyeing her brother Tau. All of her siblings spat on the ground at her, while Tau's fury was easily visible in his reddening skin. Their father's thunderous clap began the round, and Tau launched all of his weight at his sister. Half a second, she dodged; half a second, she kneed him; half a second, she hand-chopped his neck; half a second, he was unconscious on the ground.

For the other siblings, that was the last straw. They all jumped her, not knowing that she had learned how to distribute weight from analyzing the movements of the tectonic plates, and soon enough Qrys was the only one standing after throwing her siblings into one another.

"Enough!" Rip was livid; it was bad enough that his children ruined a fair fight, but even worse that Qrys used no strength of her own to handle the situation. "I don't want to see any more of that! I've let you fight this way because you're young, but by Iop, that is NOT how we fight!"

She was dazed. "But that's how I fight! It's MY way! It's not my fault they can't learn from their mistakes!" This only made her father more angry, of course. Their verbal fight continued on and on...

"If you got your head out of the books and into the gym like your siblings you could fight fair!"
"Fair? You call putting a five-year-old against teenagers fair?!"
"It's more fair than your style - it's nothing but cowardice!"
"Well it wouldn't be cowardice if they learned how to fight!"
"They learn through instinct - you're supposed to as well!"
"I do! But I also read! If they picked up some books, they'd be much better fighters!"
"Fighting like a warrior is not the same as fighting like a scholar!"
"It's better to fight like a scholar than like an IOP BRAIN!!!"

Qrys's eyes widened the moment she said that. She knew what was coming, but was too shocked to dodge. Her father's hand slapped her face...hard. He, as well, was shocked from doing that; even if she was a disobedient Iop and his child, she was too young to take that blow. For a moment, she shook on the ground, and finally all breath left her body.


She felt a comfort, a strong lap and a gentle hand, both attached to a soothing voice. "Oh, I would love for your soul to become a child of mine, but you have such a life to live." The most beautiful sight Qrys had ever seen, and ever would, was looking at her. "I've heard your prayers and I will give you your wish. If ever you are blind, know that your eyes are just closed; open them, and find the horizon." She could escape into this voice, be at home in its divinity, but something pulled her away from her goddess. "Open them, and find the horizon..."

Dr. Felglee checked on his patient for the third time that day since he had stabilized her. The Eniripsa paid special attention to the girl who was as old as his own daughter. By his goddess, he'd make sure she awoke with every bit of determination that powered her day-by-day. He was ecstatic when she opened her eyes and managed some words, barely audible requests to know where she was and what had happened.

He hesitated for a moment; would it be right to tell the girl her father had almost killed her? Or rather, that he did kill her and she had been pulled back from the dead? Luckily, he didn't have to... She revealed a knowing expression as tears rolled down her face. She could barely move her neck; it would need time to heal, she knew that, and it brought her to despair.

"Can you...bring someone here?" The doctor nodded and began to call the nurse to get her family, but Qrys stopped him. "No. Get Mr. Elmetto, please." This request was better understood, and Dr. Felglee went in person.

The old Osamodas held tightly onto Qrys's hand. "I'm glad you're alright, child. Don't worry about the fish - it's about time my son started pulling weight like yours. Just rest." The grip tightened, this time from the girl's side.

"You're the only one," she spoke, "who gave me loving eyes without doubt or hate." Her tears began falling like a flood. "I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be hated anymore..." She began falling, moving toward unconsciousness. As long as she saw him, she knew she could move on.

The old man shook his head. "No, no. There are others in the world who will see you the same way as I have. They'll cherish you. Your soul has much to give to Legend, baby girl. Just open your eyes and find the horizon." This gave Qrys a stir! The same words her goddess gave... No. That wasn't Cra. Mr. Elmetto had been with her the whole time, she realized. The doctor only stepped out for a second, because this loving old Osamodas had been right outside the door.

It was at this point that she cried the most she ever would in her entire life. Blood was overrated - she was born an Iop, but her cousins were Enutrofs, her compassionate boss was an Osamodas, an Eniripsa had brought her back from the dead, and she herself followed Cra. If there was any beauty in the world, it was a chaotic flurry of colors without any sameness to be found. Perhaps that was what she was seeing - everything as it is without judgement or reservation - when she gazed upon the face of Cra.

Act II

"Cra, give me sight and sight beyond sight,
so that I may see and remember all things."

Qrys's eyes opened to the cool, crisp night, gazing at the sunrise as she gave her prayer to Cra. Even with the healing power of words, she remained in the hospital for three weeks and quickly became ready to journey away from her past. The swamps faced her, but would take surprisingly little time to cross, as she traveled to the great forests far from Cania. Having finished her book on geology, she took only three works with her - one about the natural world, the second the tales of a drunken bard, and finally the one work she had waited to read for a very special occasion. Now was that occasion.

Tofuhouse MacStroud, the joke of the family, was an Iop farmhand. He preferred to care for animals rather than fight, and that's exactly what made him the greatest warrior of his generation. His understanding of the animal world helped him tame many a wild beast as a mount, and soon enough he was riding goliaths into battle under the orders of the king. His story was like a fairy tale on the surface, but the journal spared no details; he was originally a frail character, the love of his life had been impaled by a Brakmarian pike, and he ended up raising his son while on the battlefield. He was truly a MacStroud...and while Qrys certainly inherited his otherness, she inherited none of the MacStroud chivalry.

While she was honestly afraid to read the journal, thinking it might convince her away from her ambition, she actually felt fulfilled. Her grandfather's journal was like a proper goodbye that no one else in her family could give her, and she knew more than anything else that it was telling her to forge her own path. The perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect journey; she let the Legend write itself, resolute that history would be told in her favor.

Soon enough she found her destination - a little known village hidden among the great thickets, Yurbut. It was the late evening and all the lights were off except for a single candle burning in a large building. Carrying a bundle of books, a Feca woman with the darkest blue hair was putting up any remaining texts scattered around the building. Anyone could tell this was a library, and quite the extensive one.

Qrys stumbled in through the window. A place like this had plenty of hiding places, enough to hide a small child without any detection. She hoped that the librarian opened late, as she drifted off to sleep in a corner far from the woman's final destination.


"Has anyone seen this girl? Iop, fishes for sustenance, carrying an old journal. The MacStrouds will pay handsomely for her return."

The villagers looked at the herald with confusion. Who was this girl to have a high ransom on her head, such that even Yurbut would get the announcement? If there was one thing their secluded village definitely did not have, it was a loud and unruly Iop.

A famous merchant happened to be going through town at that moment, needing a nice Inn to stay at after his voyage from Sufokia. His face drained of color when he saw the drawing on the poster, "I know her! Qrys MacStroud, a favorite of mine." The herald's face lit up for a moment, but the merchant shook his head. "Sorry, my boy, but I haven't seen her. Do not worry - I am traveling throughout this land and many others; if I see her, I'll send her straight home, or my name isn't Jonk Kross!" The man's boasting seemed to put the herald at ease; Yurbut would certainly be in good hands.

As the herald rode away, Jonk set up a quick stall, just in case anyone was buying. "Trinkets! Tools! These extra items I got in Sufokia might just help you all - housekeeps, warriors, even scholars; all for a cheap price! And, hey, if anyone knows where the missing girl is, I'll give you quite the gift; we have a history, after all!"

Most of the villagers went on their way, all except a little Sadida fresh in his youth. "Mister, I don't know of any Iops, but Goodwidow Maryline just adopted a girl named Qrys right out of nowhere!"


Fini Maryline called out to her newfound daughter, "How is the sorting going?"

"I just finished, mum," Qrys sang out, a chipper tone far different from the voice she had before. Complete with dyed blue hair and large reading glasses, she felt truly at home with the librarian that readily adopted the girl after finding her passed out in a corner from exhaustion, having traveled many miles over the course of a week. Three months had passed, and the two were inseparable. Atleast, until today...

The front door need only open slightly for its bell to jingle. Qrys quickly went to help the visitor, halting at an old sight. Equally surprised was Merchant Jonk, for he could remember Qrys's facial features enough to know it was her. "By the Twelve! It is you! What...what are you doing here, my girl?"

For a moment, she was frozen in fear. Perhaps keeping her first name wasn't the best idea, after all. Soon enough, Fini came upon the scene. "Qrys, what book is he looking for? Sir, please have a seat while we help you; we just finished fixing many books so we're... Oh!" The Feca leaped in surprise when Qrys ran toward her and grabbed her skirt.

"Qrys, hold on. No one sent me here," Jonk tried to console her. He started to realize that this situation was more complicated than it seemed. "I'm not your enemy. I only just came in from Sufokia and heard of your disappearance; a herald notified everyone in the village."

This information startled Qrys even more; not knowing what to do, she ran to her room and locked the door. Fini's motherly condition kicked in. "Sir, I would like you to explain what this is about. I have not ever seen my daughter this upset...since I first met her."

Jonk nodded his head, bowing to the woman. "My name is Jonk Kross, merchant of the world! I am an old friend to the MacStrouds, Qrys's original family. Her situation was...not ideal, but she seemed in a good enough mood last I was in Cania. It seems to me now that she ran away, but I do not understand why. I do apologize if my presence upset her; I thought we were on good terms."

Fini considered the man's words, then gestured him to sit down. She got a cup of tea for each of them as she closed the library for a time. "I know little of her past, only that she was in the hospital due to a violent incident and soon after left home. She loves the world of books and took a liking to me the moment I found her sleeping in my library. She is such a nice child; I do believe now that she would not have run away without good reason." That said, she looked him in the eyes. "Understand that now that we have become family, which was her request might I add, I will protect her with my life. If she does not want to return to Cania, I will make sure that she doesn't."

Jonk cleared his throat; he had dealt with an Iop's rage before, but the Feca's stare made him feel like a little gobball. Knowing better than to push her, he replied lightly. "I often supplied her with books, for free might I add; she was so darling, even then, and it seems she's moreso now. I can think of no better place for her to live than a peaceful library. By my honor, I won't tell anyone she's here; however, I will let you know any information I can find in Cania about the...circumstances surrounding the issue."

The two had a nice, mutual farewell. While Fini had not wanted to press her daughter for her past, she felt that she'd have to learn about it sooner or later, and this would be the right time to test their relationship. She hoped that Qrys's trust in her was enough to share her story.


Perhaps it was maturity, perhaps knowledge, but Qrys had really grown in those next two years. At first she was stubborn, then she retreated into a shell of safety, and ultimately she had become wise. Merchant Jonk had proven to be a true friend, even a very close acquaintance with Fini (much to Qrys's squick), and the Feca remained the greatest mother she could have asked for.

"Mum," Qrys looked at her mother, who responded in kind. "I'm done."

"Done with what, honey?" Oblivious to her daughter's unnaturally ominous tone, she kept checking the day's returned books for damages.

Qrys sighed, knowing that she was about to go down a hard path. "Books, mum. All of them. I've finished all of the books in the library." This peaked Fini's interest, and a smile appeared on her face. "Except the ones in the back, the ones I could see in a crack in the storeroom."

Fini nearly ripped the book's pages. Qrys had seen those? And was mindful enough not to ask until now? Her girl was far too smart to lie to about this. Instead of speaking a word, she went over and reached out for Qrys's hand. They walked together to the storeroom, Fini took her old Treechnid Axe and swung it at the wall, revealing a room with five large, dusty tomes. After lighting the nearby candle, she looked Qrys dead in the eye. "These are yours now. No one else's. Read them, then repair the wall." With that, she left her daughter to her own devices.

It didn't take long for Qrys to decipher the texts; after all, her mother had many books on dead languages in the library and she'd memorized all of them. What the texts revealed was something massive, something before Xelor's Clock - twenty artifacts made in the Shukrute far from Rushu's control, stolen by Sram and hidden throughout the world. Each of the artifacts revealed a secret about the universe that no mortal should know, and that's exactly the kind of eldritch knowledge that true scholars seek.

Fini hugged her daughter, and gave to her a necklace - attached to it, the symbol of the Eye of Providence. "I will be sad to see you go, but I see in you what others saw in me. If you want to go, I won't stop you; they're in the Windy Cliffs, and the journey is dangerous." With that, she gave Qrys one last hug, knowing what the answer would be, as both of them cried.


"Hey Faca, you think you can just walk on out?"

To say this meeting wasn't expected would be lying. Misty Lakes knew Qrys wasn't a real Feca, and thought she was clever by using none-too-subtle wordplay. A bunch of normal Huppermages stood beside her, making up the typical mean girl clique, but they sucked at it - after Qrys wiped the floor with Misty ages ago, the group became a laughing stock. Still, she wouldn't have lost if she was smart; an Eliotrope Huppermage would theoretically be unstoppable, but Misty just wasn't that bright.

"Yes, actually, I do, Huppertrope." It wasn't the best nickname, but everyone used it. "Not that you can stop me." Though she wouldn't be one for long, she still had some Iop in her - if Misty wanted to fight, Qrys would be glad to put her in her place. Even Cra would be proud.

Of course, Misty's attack came fast and predictable. Calculated in milliseconds, the stasis beam was easily dodged; Qrys had memorized the patterns of all of her opponents, and even combined light attacks were avoided without incident. As ever before, Misty used Heart of Fire to hyperteleport - without proper aim - at her rival, and missed the shot by yards. Luckily, she was caught once again by an Eniripsa Qrys commanded to catch her when she went flying off of the island.

Diploma in hand, Qrys bade farewell to Jang and the Immaterial University of Bonta, which she had just graduated from at the age of eleven, all thanks to the advanced education given to her by the Fecaminati. Unfortunately, she had a new problem to face, or rather a gift - puberty arrived early for her, which meant she had to go to the City of Bonta.


"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? We could be great together, you and I." The ribbon Qrys kept in her hair always droned on about this proposition; most would - and did - accept the offer, but Qrys's niceties weren't divinely inspired. Mona Teresa knew this was a special one that didn't need to be brainwashed into morality, so she always gave her a choice. "Once you start the trial and take me off, puberty will hit you like a dragoturkey cart. It can't be reversed, and you won't be able to change your decision."

The entity in the ribbon had been with her since her mother bought it as a birthday present. Of course, someone in the Fecaminati would know about Mona Teresa already, and Fini explained the situation to Qrys before her daughter tried to equip it. "Yes, I'm sure. You know I've always worshiped Cra; nothing will change that, godmother."

The ribbon sounded out a sigh. "Fine, fine. Your situation does intrigue me, and I'm glad you'll keep me with you even after the trial." Most would throw the ribbon away or sell it if they didn't become bound to the primordial demon inside, but Mona Teresa was no Shushu - and Qrys refused to treat her like one.

Far in the distance, but enough for Qrys to see with her glasses, the Initiation grounds came into view.


Whether it was the confidence in her task or just Teresa's influence, Qrys felt no embarrassment when she went into the Cra trial locker rooms. As an Initiate of non-Cra origin, she was seen as an outcast, but Cra girls were not as judgmental as other races when it came to the Initiation and all of them smiled at her; she was glad to know that her new race would be one of sisterhood instead of competition.

Undressing all the way down and picking a shower of her own, Qrys heaved a heavy sigh. As water encompassed her, the Cleansing would mean more to her than it did for other as she removed the ribbon and put it on a nearby shelf. All of a sudden, as her godmother had said, puberty hit her like a dragoturkey cart - no, something worse, like a giant, long metal construct carrying tons and tons of cargo at far beyond legal speeds. It took all she had to not scream out loud, and it took half an hour before she came to her senses.

"Hey, are you all right? You've been in there a while. We're about to start." A Cra of similar age checked in on Qrys - Initiates weren't supposed to interrupt a Cleansing, but there was no response and it made the girl worried. Pulling the curtain back, she saw Qrys lying half-conscious on the floor. "Oh, my Cra! Are you okay?!" She touched her - another taboo - trying to get her back to her senses. Qrys's nervous system lit up instantly, turning into firecrackers. She tackled the Cra and kissed her deeply - the girl, shocked and red as a rose, jumped back. "W-What are you doing?!"

It was that last statement that brought Qrys to her senses. Realizing what she had done, puberty in full bloom, she covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm so sorry! I just- For me, puberty is- I'm so sorry!"

The Cra's shocked expression, partly of disgust at the brazen attempt, soon left her face. "It's...fine. That actually happens with Cra boys a lot when, uh... Anyway, the trial is about to start, so..." Quickly averting her eyes, the girl left for the trial, leaving Qrys alone to get herself together.


"Congrats, Jenna!"

That was her name, the Cra girl that tried to help Qrys. The Cras congratulating her were her real sisters, but her gaze was halfway to Qrys, the same gaze back, both of them embarrassed to be sitting by each other. Jenna must have been relieved regardless, as Cra still accepted her after interrupting the Cleansing.

"Next: Qrys Maryline!"

She got up and walked to the center of the field. The Cra trial was simple, and quite classic - shoot an apple from 100 yards away. She picked up the bow on the ground, looking at her sides one last time. Jenna moved her mouth, the words "good luck" forming from them. It made Qrys feel nice for some reason, even though she knew that the only way she'd make the shot was by raw calculation of the factors of the natural world around her. Right when she was ready to shoot, she heard Jenna scream, "WATCH OUT!!!"

Qrys dodged the blow just in time. An Iop had crossed into the field and was out for her head. The boy kept missing his swings until he used his sword to shovel dirt in her face and kicked her square in the gut, such power that she had never felt in her life, flinging her about 50 yards. Her attacker rushed her; she knew that her knowledge meant nothing when the middle of her body wouldn't let her fight at all in close combat. Her glasses covered with dirt, she could barely make out the boy's image.

Thinking fast, Qrys tried something she had heard in a fairy tale - she grabbed a stone on the ground, waited for the Iop to get close enough, and flung the stone with great strength, hitting him right in-between the eyes. Without understanding of wind speed, trajectory, and her own muscle strength, she could never have made the hit; but she did make it, and perfectly, the strength of the blow so great that it gave the boy who ran right into it an instant concussion, knocking him out.

Silence filled the area, accompanied not long after by the great divine glow given to those who pass their Initiation. Qrys had passed the trial in a most unusual manner, by defeating a dangerous target with an airborne stone using not sight, but sight beyond sight - the sight of knowledge, the sight she had gained through years and years of study. As she glowed, her transformation began - her eyes first, the emerald eyes of a Cra; her body second, becoming lean enough to replace endurance with agility; her hair last, becoming not the typical blonde but her adoptive mother's truly natural dark blue, a gift from Cra - and ended, followed by an applause from the audience.

"I don't care if I have to sell my soul to Rushu," only Qrys heard the voice within the applause, "I will DESTROY YOU!!!" The boy on the ground burst into flame, his body and sword becoming molten skin and lava, as he attacked Qrys once more. That overwhelming power at such a distance was too fast even for her; miraculously, the attack was stopped by another Initiate - a black-haired boy in golden armor.

"In the name of Justice, you won't cause any more problems, demonspawn!" As soon as their blades met, the boy's father - the real Justice Knight - arrived on the scene and detained the Rushu.

The guards assisted Justice Knight in moving the boy out of the area. "I never thought I'd see a real Rushu's Inferno, but here you are. Brakmar will know what to do with you."

The Rushu looked back one last time and yelled, "I'll be back to destroy you! You're the reason our father drunk himself to death! I'll kill you, Qrys! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"


While Jenna and the other Cras comforted Qrys, one of her mentors from the Fecaminati, Professor Frolurg Despen, finished his breathless run to see her. "Qrys, I'm so glad you're alright. Who was that? What happened?"

The two went for a private chat. "My brother. One of my brothers, Tau. From my original parents. He said that our dad drunk himself to death because of me. After I ran from home, I didn't find out what happened to any of them. Snapping my neck must have affected my father worse than I thought..."

"Wait! Snapped your neck?! You never- ... I can see why you never talked about your past with us." The professor put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "In spite of that, I do have good news." That seemed to peak Qrys's interest. "We determined you're ready to be given an artifact location. When your years of training in the Cra homeland are over, this will be your assignment. If your new family aren't enough to help you through everything, we're always here for you. And if you want to wait even longer, that's fine, too."

Qrys shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. I've been through worse. This place is...the Isle of the Abyss? Isn't it completely cursed? You're sending me there?" Even knowing her inner strength, the Fecaminati must have been off their rocker to suggest that place.

Frolurg laughed. "Don't believe the rumors, even the ones in our own books. It's quite the nice place now, though the cafe you'll be going to is at the top of the very thing that makes people believe the place is cursed." He brought out a picture. "This elderly couple is currently in charge of the area, and their time is soon. Learn everything you can from them when you work there, because," he grabbed the symbol on her necklace and touched it to his, "when they die, you'll become the guardian of the Abyssscraper."
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Ok so i read thru the whole thing and i suppose you'd rather like a comment than none (because tbh not many people here visit the fan fiction section) so here some issues i personally had with the story while reading it. You can obviously ignore everything i say that makes you uncomfortable, just summing it all up in case you want to read some random persons opinion.
Not to say it's all bad, otherwise i wouldn't have read thru it all, it was interesting:

- the main character seems way too young tbh, i constantly forgot that she wasn't even a teen yet, (she was rly 5 in part 1?) i had a really hard time seeing her as that young when
i was supposed to see her as an intelectual person that already got described as becoming wise
- same goes for her graduating from university at the age of eleven, i have seen other people do that with their oc's and generally those usually did so at a much later and reasonable age
- brains over brawn is a nice theme, however her easily beating all of her siblings sherlock holmes style, with no indication of her actually training physically (or maybe that was just not outright stated, tho with all the time she must've spend doing less iopish stuff) simply makes her seem 'too good', i honestly wouldve let her get beaten up by her siblings to emphasize on the black sheep aspect and make her more likeable
- it gets worse at the fight with Misty Lakes (whose hybridization of eliotrope and huppermage is well, no comment on that, t least it isnt xelor/eliatrope, also how the hell she uses stasis)
- 'mona teresa was no shushu', yes but then what exactly...and i just found out what she is, one of those special demons you mentioned in anther thread, honestly it feels a bit 'much', why can' she just be a normal shushu?
- i had a hard time realizing what exaclty Qrys was supposed to be, let alone her abilities aside of being 'super smart', at first born to a iop family but drawn towards cra, adopted by a feca lady and having something to do with the so called 'fecaminati', then for a short second i thought she was to become a huppermage due to the university (yes i know thats not a reason) and finally she actually fully became a cra?

Again don't take all these points to much to heart, just my own view on the story.
Also i wouldnt call such a fanfic semicanon, but again just me.

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Hey! Thanks for replying! ^^

So, first off, I really just made this as a quick background for the character for an RP I'm about to do. That's why it's really short, filled with timeskips, and it's hard to believe things like how young she is.

I'm totally planning on making a bigger version of this, as even I realized at the end that it was too rushed and some parts didn't sound right.

1. Okay, so, the whole thing with her being so young is that I was trying to keep her far younger than she ended up, and the story ended at her being 11. When I do the remake, I'll probably change her age to 7 or 8. I'll probably bump her final age to 13, too. So you're definitely right about the age thing. Again, I was rushing, so I wasn't really thinking along proper age lines.

2. Again, the age will probably be bumped up to 13. That said, she was taught everything up to university entry level by the Fecaminati, think of them as Twelve's Illuminati - they have all the resources, and 99% of those resources are information, so their members can learn anything at any pace. She also didn't go to Huppermage School - the school and the university are separate things; graduating the school pretty much guarantees entrance into the university, but the university is still Bonta's university. She just went in for university.

3. You're right about her seeming too good. But remember she didn't have to train physically to do what she did - even so, she was an Iop at that point in time, so she already had great strength and she was already taught combat as a little girl. She just switched over to more of a thinking fighting style later on, and that's how she determined trajectory and velocity.

4. This a bit harder to explain. So in the Eliotrope forum Red and I talked on a thread I made about whether or not Eliotropes could use Stasis. We determined that they can, but that Stasis attack would function differently, and that it would be very, very rare for an Eliotrope to use it. Misty's use is explained away by being Brakmarian (her family didn't care much for ethical use of their powers) and having learned about the nature of the universe in Huppermage School; even so, "pew pew" is pretty much the only thing she can do with Stasis. As for being in Huppermage School, canonically it's open to everyone, regardless of race, and there are (or were) Brakmarian Huppermages. Huppermage is not a race. Misty is going to feature in other fics/RPs, so I put her in here as part of my "core short intro" so that people would know she exists and would already have some basis.

5. Sorry, yeah, that requires reading the other thread. So Mona Teresa is one of the original 10 demons; when she was "killed" she wasn't so much "destroyed" and survived in some form, that form being self-replicating ribbons (that are used as bows/ties). Parents often give these to their children, not knowing that Mona Teresa IS those ribbons. She uses her power to make children "good children" (think DCFDTL from KND, but not evil) and then tries to recruit them into remaining children forever by becoming a child-like race that worships her. But she gives them that choice because her theme is "corrupting" people into "goodness", so she doesn't force them. Oh, and her power is too weak to change someone's age; she can only halt puberty or erase it by changing the child's race to hers, so she only influences children.

Basically, Qrys is one of those children, but she chose to remain following Cra; of course, Qrys was always "good", so she didn't need to be brainwashed into morality or anything. But Mona Teresa is a thematic hybrid of Mona Lisa and Mother Teresa (in case that wasn't obvious), so she's a lady-like do-gooder figure, which explains her godmother routine to the children she "possesses" with her ribbons. Except that, instead of a fairy godmother, she's a demon godmother...

The main reason I inserted her into this story was because she was the perfect "device" to use to sell the point that Twelvians DO go through puberty - and it's puberty puberty. By having her taken off, it would lead to Qrys being used as a tool to show the readers that, yeah, puberty is puberty is puberty, even in the World of Twelve. So every character in that part was just a literary device; the focus was on the event, not the characters.

6. The Initiation is canon. It was featured in one of the Wakfu comics in the first page (the page where they give us backlore). But the Initiation isn't explained beyond "here you can choose your deity and become their race" and so on. This was part of a whole dissertation on how reincarnation works, the main thing being that a soul typically reincarnates into what deity it was following when it dies. For Qrys, that was Iop, but she as an individual was pulled toward knowledge; she may have been a smart warrior in the past life, but in this one she saw her Iop heritage as a barrier to gaining knowledge, so she ended up following a different deity.

As for why she followed Cra, that's told in Act 1 where her father remarks that she had enough warrior in her to choose a combat-based deity (this being Cra) instead of a typical knowledge deity (like Feca or Eniripsa). By the time she was adopted by a Feca, she already had prayed to and believed that Cra had helped her gain knowledge despite being an Iop, so she was too fiercely loyal to Cra to change to Feca.

Despite that, the Fecaminati (Illuminati) let her in (mainly because her adopted mother invited her in). They let anyone in that pursues knowledge, regardless of race, though most of them are Feca because Feca is the main knowledge deity (Henry Jones, Sr. is, in my headcanon, a major member of the organization). Because they're mainly Feca and Bontarian, they have huge ties with the university, which is another reason she got in so easily (though she had to pass the entry exams herself).

The thing about Qrys is that she was never super smart. She was an Iop, which means she had naturally low intelligence. She actually subverted this by struggling to learn enough to have a good foundation of knowledge. Her memory isn't naturally the best either, which is why her prayer to Cra requests a better memory as well (even as a Cra she wouldn't naturally have perfect memory; Fecas should still have the best memories). Instead of memory, she relies on application; she knew how to make use of proper trajectory and velocity not just because she learned about those things, but because she trained in them, though you're right in that I never talked about that training.

She definitely isn't perfect; she was born with an advantage (Iop strength) but gave it up for a different path, and she wouldn't have become Fecaminati if she didn't spend years reading the whole library, while she got a degree so young because she studiously learned anything she could get the Fecaminati to teach her. She beat her siblings because they were easy for anyone to read, she beat Misty because she had enough fights with her to know her movements, and she beat her brother because he was still easy to read and she knew enough to do a David vs Goliath moment (but even then, she would have been killed if not for Justice). She's not OP - if she was faced with someone truly skilled in combat, she'd die instantly.

Her story is one of adversity, though it's really hard to show that in a quickie like this.

Making fuller fics should help explain all this better. As I said, this was just a short backstory for an RP, though I plan on writing the backstory in full. And I really did want to see people's opinions - without yours, I wouldn't have cared much about changing her ages, so thank you. ^^

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Ah, thanks for the expanations!
Ofc, considering it is for an rp there is no reason to make it overly long, it already gave us more information abut her background than many other people do.

1) 7-8, with final age being 13 still feels slightly low, but it is def. an improvement so i give you that. I would nonetheless recommend to often make her behave appropiate to said age, even if i do get the feeling she is mature for her age, child is child.

2) The Fecaminati are therefore a creation of your own? (or isit something from the dofus games?). It does feel like a very conventient thing fr her to have been involved with. Still, graduating at age 13 would likely mean she entered the university at age 10-11?
Even with the fecaminati teaching her, only a pure genius at Sheldon Cooper lvl or even better would be deemed acceptable at this age.
Pls understand, i am writing stuff from a persepctive of having seen other (wakfu) oc's in tumblr and deviantart. Doesnt mean your choice is wrong,just unusual for me to see.

4) I did see the thread and personally it seemed obvious that Gelgys last post pretty much summed up how things stand, it felt to be the more reasonable thing. Also wasn'T a fan of the black hole thing but thats another topic. However it's of course up to you to give your chars special powers. As mentioned, IF it did exist, it should honestly be incredibly rare (and such an ability feels wasted for a character like Misty...nvm i thought she was a throwaway rival character of yours)

4.2) I know huppers are no race but making an oc of them has always been a tricky thing to do. All hupper oc's ive seen up to now have been pure huppers (1 exception), for good reason, as reasoning an oc as being for example a teleporting, time manipulating xelor with the teaching of a hupper, thus controlling all elements and's too much.

Hybrids exist canonically (again, veeery rare), and people do make them. The problem is however that such classes can easily become dangerously close to an overexagerated overload of abilities and ideas. I can't judge you there, i struggle with it too.

5) Again, this one is entirely up to you. The 9 other demons are canon, especially that one whose name i just forgot. Reinventing them forthe sake of your rp can go against canon should there ever bemore of them released. I aint a fan of meddling too much with canon stuff, but youre not the only one doing that. I have seen worse, mainly people making themselves best friends with the brotherhood and stuff like being the secret 7th member in arelatonship with amalia blablabla.

6) Initiation as you said is canon, and sadly imo a concept full of holes, what we see in the comics, of the show and how it works in the games, is more confusing than giving any answers. Let's just say i'm stayig away from that, i had no issues with how you presented it tho, nothing too crazy.

She does come off as super smart that was my issue, or rather my misunderstanding of her. Knowledge=/=Intelligence is what you want to say?
Making her smarter than the normal iop is no crime! It's a slightly cliche concept for a iop oc at this point, just like making an ecaflip unlucky....well shet i'm cliche-ing too.

I havent seen enough of her to fully judge her capabilities, its just that in 2 out of the 3 fight scenes she was able to 'beat' her opponent(s) with real ease. Many people prefer batman over superman for a reason, even if in this example he is the brains.

7) I'm used to seeing wakfu oc's bio's, then reading potential fiction, idk if you ever considered one for yours, might help or not.

Nonetheless ,your responses have helped me to understand her better.
And i can only repeat myself, your oc, your choices to make, i'm just a random guy giving input. Not like my oc's are perfect either.

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1. I'd appreciate any advice you might have on representing age groups. My mom's an elementary teacher, so I see little kids as "naughty brats that act up on purpose" and "far smarter than most adults think they are" at the same time, regardless of age. The only difference I've found is that the older you get, the more aware you are of what's going on. But again, this is all from a school perspective, and children act very different at home than at school, so I only ever get half of the story. (I was also very mature for my age when I was young, immature for my age when I was a teen, so my perception of age-maturity norms is distorted.)

Suffice to say, I've seen kids like Qrys. They're rare, but they exist. Often parents don't raise them, so they raise each other and grow up fast as a result. For Qrys's own backstory, that kind of thing didn't happen - she wasn't pushed into maturity, so I'm not sure how to write it. Combine that with being one of those "12 year old entering college" stories (though the age is different), and it's hard to determine personality and other features of maturity throughout time.

So, again, I'd love any suggestions. smile

2. Yeah, I created them myself. I actually came up with Qrys as a response to the same thing that inspired the Fecaminati - the secret society of Fecas thing that I imagined was going on in the Nations quests, though it's kind of hard to justify that with just a few NPCs. xD

The Fecaminati were the ones that made the copies of ancient books, the copies that are in the university and everywhere else. They're the keepers of all knowledge in Twelve. So their teaching is like being taught by Oxford, MIT, and Tokyo all at once. It sounds like Qrys is super special, but not really - other children of the Fecaminati get the same education, most of them don't even care about university because they don't need it; Qrys just wanted it.

4. Yeah, no, it's definitely rare. I actually came up with Misty far before Qrys. In fact, Misty -> MacStroud/Lakes history -> Qrys was how I came up with it. Basically that middle part is a story I thought up of the ancient past where the MacStrouds and Lakes first met - it tells the story of the split in the MacStrouds between Iop and Enutrof, and why/how the Lakes became Brakmarian. It's a riveting story and one of the first full ones I want to tell (but I might need to read the Dofus comics first). In case you can't guess, Tau going to Brakmar wasn't just useless information - he'll meet Misty there, and that will be its own story; I already have it planned out. xD

4.2. The Lakes historically learned Huppermagic. The reason is actually the backlore for Eliotropes - most of them live in caves and such, hidden from the world, and technically don't have the control over their powers that the game makes it look like they do. Misty can fire beams and teleport, even hyperteleport, but that's just raw power...not control, and it emulates Elios in that they got a lot of wakfu but that comes with instability - all the power in the world doesn't mean much if you can't aim.

So, to counter that, the Lakes learned Huppermagic and theory in order to learn how to control their powers and try to make sense of their place in the universe, especially since Eliotropes typically are forgotten by everyone when they die. Becoming Huppermages was a traditional act of desperation from them; they end up having more control of Huppermagic than their own powers, because those powers are so hard to control. They do everything they possibly can to make people see them and remember them, use any advantage, in rejection to the ways of their brethren.

The Misty/Tau story is intended to be a real maturity saga for Misty where she starts taking everything more seriously, trying to control all the power she's obtained, that she failed to do in school because she just didn't care. It ties in a lot with the history of the two families and Brakmarian politics, and it starts with a funeral - or, as the Lakes call it, a Forgetting.

5. My headcanon, yeah. xD I left 3 spots empty in that idea so 3 demons could be introduced without trouble. But yeah, the reason I'm comfortable with it is that Amakna has shown no desire to talk about the demons.

Everything I introduce seems important, but it's treated as hidden background stuff. No becoming part of the Brotherhood of X or anything, rather secret societies, espionage, eldritch mysteries, things like that.

6. Excellent points. Yeah, knowledge and intelligence aren't the same thing, though she does have some amount of intelligence. If you remember the beginning of act one, she was eating fish and carrots as her daily meal - that's brain and eye food; she really, really wanted to be able to read and learn as much as she could, and she had to ask around and do the regimen herself because her family wouldn't help her (they ate strength and protein foods). And instead of being a Smart Iop archetype, she really just doesn't want to be an Iop, so I feel like that situation gets subverted because she becomes a Cra.

As for Initiation, I actually thought of it as being made of 4 parts - Examination (to check for puberty), Cleansing (which you've read), Trial (again, you've read), and Training (the training period hinted at in Act 3, in which everyone goes to their class kingdoms to live and learn/train there for about 2 years). I was going to explain away Examination with "connections" but I'll probably just have her go through puberty already; the way I did it in the above was to show puberty...and that left plotholes.

So Initiation is just supposed to be a normal thing that's just done, like getting an ID or voting, but everybody who wants to choose a god does it. Those who don't want a god just don't go, and they end up normal humans (though I'd assume keeping their racial appearance from birth).

From what I can tell from the Dofus cartoon, Ecaflips are extremely unlucky. Kerabim was an exception because Ecaflip made him the luckiest; and when Kerabim proved to rely on luck too much, Ecaflip took it away from him and had him go to an I definitely wouldn't say unlucky Ecaflips are rare, rather that most Ecaflips have a very balanced amount of luck (not counting external factors, like curses or Ecaflip's influence).

I actually was trying to write Misty as the leader of a Mean Girls group that got put in her place and lost her popularity. To the point I was trying to suggest that Misty bullied Qrys until Qrys learned all her movements and started winning all of their fights. I just couldn't find a way to write that properly in such a short incident... But yeah, Qrys lost, like a LOT of times, she just got better over time.

7. Bio? Like character profile? Yeah, I made one for the RP, but after I wrote the story. I went ahead and changed the graduation age on it, too. I'd like if you could tell me what you think of it as well. Click here
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Edit: i took the freedom and took a look around in the linked forum, also seeing other people's oc's.
Tbh, some of them seem to have a lot of creative liberties similar to Qrys.
Thus i don't actually think you have to change much in her.
Don't make her a demi god tho, never make an oc a demi god, just a tip.

Well fudge i had a really long text as response and it all got deleted. Sorry but ill have to do the short version which may lack explanation here and there.
Sad because in my overlylong text i was trying to sound nicer (there are def things where id give a thumbs up) and ofc repeatedly say that its just my point of view, so  again no hard feels.

1) Qrys is only 17 for a person that already experienced so much and already has done and become a this and that. That feels like quite too much information and stuff for her age, its hard to believe.

2) Fecaminaty are very powerful in terms of knowledge, such an organization should bee either super secret or simply not accesible for such a young Qrys, exceptions can be made, but eeeh

4.2) Huppermagic is one of the 3 most powerful class powers you can give an oc (along with xelor and ellia/otrope). Combining it is simply overkill, so powerful its hard to control is not rly a good excuse of a weakness, i do like your explanation of why but it doesnt justify imo. People choose eliatropes OR huppers for  a good reason.

6) Your version of initiation has a lot of creative liberty, be prepared for people to either disagree with it or not have a focus on initiation at all, aka. 'my oc was born as this class and remained as it'

5) Like point six, prepare for people to be uncomfortable with your headcanon as it dabbles a lot with stuff that is dangerously close to overwriting canon stuff, that goes to those who may rp with you as well.

Looking at the bio:
-17 years is way too young, either keep the age and make her just recentl having graduated (16 to 17 year old graduate would still be considered veeery young but beievable)
or make her older, at least 23-25
- reading the personality section i got nothing from her except, thirsty for knowledge and mysterious, 
- had an almost fiance at age 13-15? this is simply unbelievable, i dont know what else to say
- the death of her guardians in what i assume to be a time span of less than 2 years since he wet to live with them is too early and convenient

Now to her powers, i love talking abut that kinda stuff:
- human calculator: extremely advantageous ability, tho def. give it a pass since it's supposed to be one of her main things
- her magical artifact, very usefull, again i give it a pass because many people give their chars magical weapons, usally shushus
- she has cra, rogue AND feca abilities? i like the enthusiasm but really, you should at best decide on 2 of them, preferably only 1, i don't quite get why you decided to give her pistols when she was meant to be a iop turned cra, why no rogue from the beginning, giving someone abilities from different classes can give the impression of too much again
- most shooting abilites seem fair and simple, i dont get why you didnt inspire yourself by cra spells tho
- teleportation is again, a tricky ability, it exists in the games but for obvious reasons not in the show, supposed to be a specialty for xelors, eliasand huppers(this is why they are the op trio)
-Restoration Shot: healing is not a cra or feca thing, disregard their passive
- other healing abilities: why is she suddenly a healer?
Summary: looking at her abilites one has no idea what class she could be, in fact everything indicates a rogue/feca but then she can heal too? I'd really try to focus on specific abilities here.

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Thanks for all of that!

0. Any advice yet on RPing age groups?

1. I'm going to be moving around ages. However, I want her to get a Masters (not Ph.D., gonna change that), before Initiation. I'll keep moving them around until I feel they're in a good spot.

2. They're like the Factions in the game, most like Those Who Walk. They have child initiates, mainly the children of those already in there. It's hard to be spending all day working for an organization and your kids not to get the answer to that is brainwa- training them. That said, calling them a secret society might be stretching it; they're definitely more like a Faction, it's just that normal, or most people don't know about them.

3. Huppermagic is only OP if you make it OP. Expeliarmus isn't going to work on a broadsword; by the same length, making Huppermagic OP from the get-go makes no sense because it's a legit school of magic in that takes years to master...a student isn't going to walk out of Hupper High having mastered the whole discipline, regardless of what the game may suggest.

4. I didn't force that on my RP for the reason that I'm following cartoon logic - if there are pandawa rogues, then there can be huppermage eliotropes. Initiation is a thing that has to be done if someone wants god powers, but if you're already the god's race, you only have a .001% chance of failing the trial.

5. If there's something canon and people don't know about it, I've made / I'll make threads for it.

6. I might remove the calculator ability; she's supposed to be a Cra, after all.

7. The pistols aren't magical. They're just popular pistols. The only thing special about them is that they're cash items - as they scale to 100. If the RP group goes past level 100, she'll have to find better ones. There's also the chance of her losing the pistols, for plot reasons. However, she cares about them as other Cras do their bows, so she spent a lot of time choosing the right guns (even though they're popular, she ordered a custom make) and she'd be really, really upset if they were lost or stolen.

8. I'm not sure about her current personality yet. I'm going to remove the fiance thing if I can't get my ages high enough to be satisfied. As for the guardians - they're not her guardians, they were assigned as guardians of the dungeon; she just works for them, and was told to do so to take over when they die because they knew they were going to die soon. It's a bum rap - she was seen as special enough to be given that responsibility at her age, but it was obvious that no one in the organization cared about ever exploring the location.

9. Fecabo is the only non-Cra ability she has. She doesn't have any Iop abilities. She doesn't have Rogue abilities either; she just applies her Cra training to guns. (I see Fusillade as a gun thing, not a rogue thing.)

Glyph-Words aren't Feca or Eni magic; the former uses Glyphs naturally, the latter Words naturally; Glyph-Words are studied in the Arcane school of magic (need to expand on that), acting like typical fantasy magic in that they're like typical spellcasting lines, and they have to be cast - they can't just be instantly used, so they're not class abilities, and Qrys can barely use them...when she does so, she has to concentrate so much that she can't move, making her glass without being a cannon since she uses it for support. (At the beginning of 4 of her skills, Casting is listed - this means she's in an unmovable concentrated state.)

10. It's all about her fighting style. She prefers guns over bows because guns are faster, and they are better for crowd control (which she focuses on), especially since she can fire two quick shots at once, giving her better utility. She's a support character, not a damage dealer; she does have Cra spells, like Recall and Rebound, and has two no-LoS. As for teleportation, it's just an extension of Recall - Teleport shot marks a target, Recall shot sends them to the target location; the original spell, Recall Arrow, just teleports people to the Cra, and that is less useful.

11. She's a Cra, with some magic, but honestly not much. She mainly focused on learning crowd control and support skills when she trained as a Cra, and didn't feel that bows were as good for that as guns. She never intended to learn how to deal damage; she knew that she could get other people to do it for her, so she chose support instead. She learned some Arcane magic under the Fecaminati, but just a little; she has a few chants she remembered while she was away training, but still relies on her guns for all of her attacks, except for the out-of-combat healing chant Fast Aid. All in all, she's not a powerhouse nor does she want to be...she's a great tactical support character instead, preferring to stay on the sidelines. She may have many passives, but that's balanced out by few actives; though she doesn't need a ton of actives if she can master the few by using her passives.

12. Anything I've said above that you haven't heard of new, since the last post. I'm making this stuff up as I go, after all. Don't worry; though I like good backstories, I really don't like my RP characters being OP, so I really try to balance them with weaknesses. (Misty isn't in the RP btw, she'll only be in fanfics.)

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