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RP: The Grand Tour

By Tzeeqar 2014-01-09 06:23
Note: This RP will start out as invite-only. Once we get a good feel on where it's going, we may be able to open it up for new members to join. If you're interested in joining, please send me a PM and I'll let you know if and when you can post.

Approved Contributors:


Name: Kaparra
Class: Osamodas (Earth)
Gender: Female
Age: 17
- Light blue skin, blue eyes.
- Long, straight white hair that trails down to her upper back, brown horns.
- Brown leather leotard with white fur trim, shoulders bared.
- Brown leather thigh-high boots with white fur trim, elbow-length brown leather gloves.
- Sometimes wears black traveling cloak.
- Carries around an extensive list of places she'd like to visit.
- Just a girl far from home, looking for some traveling companions for hire.
- Refuses to share much else.
- Feisty, sarcastic (with a smattering of social ineptitude)
- Headstrong lone wolf (actually enjoys company)
- Hates having to rely on others (doesn’t mind being pampered)
- Loves the call of the wind (actually kind of misses home)
- ...I've said too much.


Alibert's Tavern, Kaparra decided, was nothing special. There was food to eat, beer to drink, and a warm, soft bed to sleep on. Of course, Alibert wasn't there, nor was his son. That was a shame, Kaparra thought. What other reason would anyone ever have to come this far out into the boonies than to see the jolly old barman himself and his wonder child? Without them, the tavern seemed dingy, deflated, and overwhelmingly, crushingly mundane.

Kaparra crossed "Visit Alibert's Tavern" off of her list, and scribbled a note in the margins: "off somewhere - come back ???" She studied the list. At least there were other places in this forsaken corner of Amakna she could visit: the Treechnid Dungeon, the Zeppelanturn, the Soft Oak - the Soft Oak was still there, right? But as she looked through all the names and places, the more apprehensive she felt. She looked over her shoulder; nobody was watching her. That was a plus, at least.

Kaparra took a long sip of her beer and a shorter sip of her Decidedly-Not-Alibert's Stew. The way things were going, she needed it.

Reactions 20
Name: Sotreum
Class: Sacrier
Gender: Male
Age: 26
- Thin and lean, not scrawny but by no means muscular
- About 6 feet tall
- Relatively pale skin with dark black tattoos tapering over his body in various places, mostly on his hands and chest
- Eyes are vacant white orbs with no clear pupils present, hair is red, short, and messy
- Thick metal armor with a roman style helmet, leather belt with various pouches at the waist
- Comes from a family of wheat farmers in Amakna
- Currently 'works' as a roaming adventurer
- Selfless, enjoys sharing what little he has with complete strangers
- Overly protective of allies in and out of battle
- Doesn't like seeing people hurt.
- Very friendly
- Not fond of Xelors, they creep him out


The Sacrier's boots thudded against the wooden floorboards with each step as he made his way to the bar. Then all at once and even louder thud, this time of wood striking wood. Sotreum casually took his seat at the bar as the barmaid inspected the large wooden appendage he had just unceremoniously dropped on the counter. "There ya are, Treechnid sap for the sweetened ale. As promised." As if on cue the barmaid noticed the slow trickle of sap making a mess on the counter. She disapeared into the kitchen and returned a short moment later with a surly Iop to take the tree limb away as well as a small coin purse that she dropped in front of Sotreum.

Quietly Sotreum thumbed through the kamas he'd earned, "There's, uh. Well there's barely enough here for a bowl of stew!" The barmaid stopped scrubbing the spot where the sap had leaked and glared daggers at him. "We asked for sap, not firewood! Next time use a bottle." She spat before moving further down the bar to attend to another patron.

"That..." Sotreum paused to think, "Is a really good point." He said quietly stroking his chin.
Kaparra regarded the newcomer with growing interest. He looked to be a standard adventurer type: fit but not overtly so, wearing an outlandish set of armor that he probably scrounged together. From his conversation with the barmaid, Kaparra figured that he lived from meal to meal, as adventurers often do. He also didn't seem particularly bright.

She had trouble making out the traveler's class. Kaparra looked from the corner of her eye. He had hollow white eyes, and Kaparra saw strands of red hair sticking out from beneath his helmet. That narrowed the possibilities down to Sacrier or Iop.

Iop. Definitely Iop, Kaparra thought. She had never seen a Sacrier cover up anything above the waist.

Kaparra clasped her fingers together in thought. She had a long way to go - places go, people to see, people to stay away from at all costs - and she had been considering hired help. Here, she had stumbled across an ideal candidate: strong, experienced, dirt-poor, and, if her deduction was correct, dumb as a havre-sac of hammers.

She pulled the hood of her cloak over her head, then slid up to the stranger, bar stool and all.

"Oh, tough luck!" she said, nudging the stranger in the ribs. "Bet ya can't get anything to eat now, can ya? Gonna starve, hmm?"

Edited the last bit. Kaparra is not a generous person. 
Sotreum perked up when he realized someone was next to him. More than that, they were speaking to him. Perhaps it was his cheerful disposition or maybe his lack of observation, but he failed to notice the negativity in her heckling. It seemed more like an odd observation. "Well, not quite." He told her as he set the bag of coins down and pulled out another bag from a pouch on his belt. Quietly he counted up a few kamas and placed them aside with the first bag. Then he tucked the remainder away and drummed his fingers on the counter once he had completed the task.

"I've got enough for dinner and a drink." He said with a smile, "Though I won't be able to afford a room tonight." The concern in his voice was minor and his smile never wavered. "But you know camping out is always better after a warm meal anyways." A quick glance over his shoulder revealed that the barmaid was still busy down the line, but Sotreum was fine with waiting now that he had company and so he returned his attention to the Osamodas.
Beneath her hood, Kaparra's grin turned wiry and catlike. She had a winner: a true Iop-brain, happy in his own misery, too proud of his own meager accomplishments to realize he was being openly mocked. On top of that, he probably wouldn't be missed if he disappeared for a few months. Or forever.

"Camping out?" said Kaparra with a brain-dead sort of glee. "OMG that sounds like totes fun lawls!"

Then she giggled. It was a very loud and very airy giggle. It lasted for several excruciatingly long seconds, interrupted only by the occasional snort. It was like the sound of a bonesaw.

The rest of the tavern grew quiet and leery, before deliberately turning their backs on her and going about their business with more vigor. Kaparra looked side-to-side; the nearest patrons had scooched at least 25 centimeters away from her and Sotreum.

All according to plan.

Kaparra threw off her hood and yanked Sotreum by the shoulder. "Seriously, gingie," she murmured. "How well do you know these parts? Because I think I have a job for you."
(OOC: Wow, sorry for the long delay on this one. Crap hit the fan recently and I've been working to get it under control, didn't mean to take so long!)

Sotreum pushed his kamas forward again to catch the barmaid's attention, but his pale eyes never left the Osamodas as she babbled about. 'Lawls'? Was that even a word? He chuckled nervously to humor her as she completely lost it over her own joke. Was that even a joke? Sotreum was really confused, honestly.

"Well, yeah. Camping is always fun." He began sheepishly before she cut him off with a stern tug as she whispered her question. A job! Hot dag, he could use the extra coin. "I, uh, well I grew up around here. I suppose I know it pretty well!" The soft clatter of his meal being set down on the counter caught his attention, and while he didn't move an inch from where she had pulled him he couldn't help but stare longingly at the bowl.

Admittedly he was really hungry.
"Good!" said Kaparra, shaking Sotreum's shoulder a little. "Very, very good! Ok, maybe not that good since this village is pretty boring and now I just feel sorry for you, but still - good enough!"

The barmaid gave her a nasty look as she delivered Sotreum's meal. Kaparra responded with a smug, almost catlike grin. She didn't care. She had already thoroughly repulsed everyone in the room. It wasn't like she was going to see her or anyone else in the tavern ever again.

"So, serious time," said Kaparra. "If you haven't guessed already, I'm a newcomer to these parts. But I intend to stay in Amakna for..." she counted off months on her fingertips, then shrugged, "a long time. But while I'm here, I'd like to do some adventuring. You know, running some dungeons, killing some monsters, grabbing some loot and coming back alive. That is where you come in."

Kaparra's cloak rippled and shifted. Her chest bulged. A pair of rubbery horns emerged from her neckline, followed closely by a pair of rubbery arms and a pair of enormous catlike eyes. The Gobgob sniffed the air and shrieked in delight. Then it dove face-first into Sotreum's stew. Broth sloshed onto the bar.

"Anomona!" chided Kaparra as she affectionately stroked its back. The Gobgob replied with a high-pitched grunt as it lapped up the stew with true fervor.
Without a moment of hesitation Sotreum grabbed the gobgob by the tail and swung the creature in a broad arc over his head, sending it crashing to the floor behind him. He stared down at it, "Yeah I can see why you'd need my help, this parasite must've latched on to you on your tip over from... Where'd you say you were from again?"

Beaming with pride he swiveled around in his barstool to face his stew and eagerly snatched up a spoon to dig in. "Well, no worries either way. I'm diligent as I am resourceful, won't have to worry about any more giving you trouble with me around!" With that he brought a spoonful of stew to his mouth and stuffed it, taking in the unique flavors before swallowing. He quickly forgot about Kaparra and instead focused more on his stew, half listening for her reply.
Kaparra felt an invisible force slam into her, something along the lines of being slammed headfirst into a hardwood floor. She shot back in her seat, clutching her face in pain, before losing balance entirely and tumbling backwards off of her bar stool.

A second later she was up again; seething, her shoulders hunched, glaring furiously at the redhead who was obliviously enjoying his stew. She made a mental list of all the possible ways there were to kill a man when his back was turned. Unfortunately, none of them accounted for needing said man alive.

She took a deep breath and tried not to think about gruesome murder.

"For your information," she said, "that wasn't a parasite. Her name is Anomona. She is my..."

Kaparra was about to say "symbiote" but felt like she needed to use a simpler word. Familiar? Summon? Blue starfish thing that likes to hang around Osamodas and shares their life energy and you must have seen them before because how can you not know what a Gobgob is you idiotic Bwork?!

"Friend. She is my very close friend. We came together all the way from Brakmar."

Anomona hovered in the air behind Sotreum, fangs bared, her glare somehow even more murderous that Kaparra's. She opened her mouth wide and advanced towards the back of his head.

Kaparra grabbed the Gobgob and pulled her back into her lap. "No," she whispered. "No eating him alive. Not right now."
As the stew gradually filled less and less of the bowl Sotreum made a mental note of everything this blue girl was telling him, nodding in understanding but still looking straight forward.

"Mmmm, like a little travel companion." He blurted out suddenly, for once showing any real sign that he'd been paying attention. Holding his utensil loosely in his fingers he prodded towards his forehead as if to accentuate his level of comprehension. "I gotcha, I gotcha."

He set the spoon down on the counter gently before scooping up the bowl in his hands and bringing its rim to his mouth. The remnants in the bowl were slurped up quickly but, perhaps surprisingly, not in an obscenely obnoxious way. Sotreum might not have been the brightest, nor the most formal, but he considered himself above gross eating habits. Its what separated men from gobballs.

Placing the bowl back down on the counter slowly and contently the warrior wrapped up his meal, finally ready to give this potential client his undivided attention. He turned his stool more in her direction and laid an arm on the bar. "So you and your... 'friend'. You're just here for sight seeing?"
"Yeah," said Kaparra with a shifty sidewards glance, "sight-seeing. Just sight-seeing."

She didn't think that sounded suspicious at all. Kaparra leaned forward and looked the adventurer right in his blank eyes.

"Enough small talk," she said. "I have enough Kamas on me keep a big boy like you fed for months. Want them? Stick with me and do everything I say. Make sure that absolutely nothing gets in our way. Got it, gingie?"

Anomona sniffed the empty bowl disdainfully. Then she swallowed it whole.
(OOC: Aw yeah, almost one month to the day since the last post. I am super good at keeping up with RPs.)

A moment of silence followed as Sotreum tossed information around in his head. She claimed to have money for him, LOTS of money. Maybe too much money. Seems a little fishy that she'd pay so much for such a mundane task. Was she expecting more trouble than she was telling?

He stroked his chin in thought with his gloved hand. Oh, perhaps she's just naive about these things though. She wasn't from around here, she said so herself. Maybe she'd heard some over exaggerated tales of Treechnids or something. If that was the case he simply couldn't take her money, no sir. At least not all of it. Cheating people out of their money because they don't know any better was the work of highwaymen and bandits. But not Sotreum, he was above that. That sort of honesty is what separated men from Gobballs.

Still he had no way of knowing for sure until after the fact, wouldn't want to turn down that money if this job actually proved challenging. Sotreum's face made one final contortion of strained thought before breaking out into a wide beaming smile, his hand shooting out extended to shake. "Deal!"
Kaparra's smile was particularly more jagged and toothy. She shook the Sacrier's hand right back. "Deal," she said. "From now on, you'll call me Miss Kaparra. And you are..." Her pause was long enough for the new hireling not to give his full name. "Know what? It doesn't matter, actually, because I'll just keep calling you Gingie. Or maybe Ginge. Don't complain or I'll dock your pay, got it? Good!"

Just then, the door flew open and banged against the wall. In came a gigantic Ecaflip man, a huge mass of fat and muscle covered in gray fur. He wore baggy white slacks that were held up by what must have been the world's most durable cord belt, and a brown top that had absolutely failed to hide his magnificent gut. His eyes were beady: his left was yellow, and his right was blue and lazy.

Kaparra quickly grabbed Anomona and stuffed her under her cloak. Then she threw the hood over her eyes. The corpulent Ecaflip waddled over to the bar and sat right next to her bodyguard. He stared at him, steely-faced, his mismatched eyes bulging, then burst out into a wobbly smile.

"Your hat," he said, in a deep and wobbly voice, "it is nice."

"Don't talk to him," whispered Kaparra hoarsely.
Aha! The deal was struck, Sotreum beamed as she shook his hand. His name! She asked for his name! Had he really not introduced himself yet? How rude of him. "I am Sot--" he was cut short as she interjected with proposed nicknames. Again he opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off with the notion of docking his pay. Still he maintained his composure, his client may be a handful but Sotreum had the patience for this sort of thing. Though he did worry that this attitude was why she was offering such a large sum.

The cracking of wood against wood caught Sotreum's attention as he directed his attention to the doorway and the massive cat-man that occupied it. This fellow certainly was a character, the sight of him left Sotreum wondering just his deal was.

Staring can be a nasty habit, one Sotreum usually did well to avoid. Not today though, those manners were forgotten as he watched the behemoth lumber over toward a stool. His pale white eyes were met by the Ecaflip's own oddly colored ones, even if one didn't seem to align right. And then he spoke, snapping Sotreum out of his daze, "Your hat, it is nice." he said.

'Your hat'. 'Your hat'? It was a helmet. It was a helmet, wasn't it? It certainly looked like a helmet, Sotreum was certain of that when he got it. If at all possible the Sacrier was even more confused than before. He gawked for a bit uncertain of what to say before he opened his mouth--

And was promptly interrupted by Kaparra telling him NOT to talk to this guy. Son of a boowolf he can't seem to get a word in since she hired him! Still, he could see why she might not want this guy's attention. Better go along with what she says. With all the graceful composure of a blindfolded blibli Sotreum rotated silently on his stool until he was facing forward. And that was his plan. His whole 'Get-Out-of-Conversation-Free' card was to stare blankly forward and nervously chew his lip.

A low murmor came from a sheath at his hip but it was silenced with a quick slap.
Kaparra had quickly turned away from the Sacrier and the gigantic Ecaflip, so that she also faced forward. Her heart pounded in her chest. Sweat dripped from her forehead. She tightly squeezed her Gobgob, still completely obscured by the cloak.

The Ecaflip stared at Sotreum for a disconcertingly long time, silently, barely breathing, not blinking even once. After what seemed like eons, he seemed to lose complete interest in the helmet and the man who sat under it, and he turned to the barmaid to ask what they had on the menu, and if he could have one of everything.

"Okay, listen very carefully," whispered Kaparra. "You distract him. Just talk to him - yes I know I told you not to, but... shut up and do as I say. And don't tell him about me. Got it? Good!"

She slowly, carefully rose from her bar stool and, without making a sound, crept towards the door.

Then came the muttering noise.

The Ecaflip's ears perked up instantly. His head shot to the side in blinding speed. There was a Tofu leg still hanging from mouth; he slurped it down like a noodle.

"Your pants," he said in awe. "They speak to me. Hello, pants. What is your name? Tell me so that I may converse with you as a friend and equal."
There was certainly something fishy here and it wasn't just the Ecaflip's breath! Clearly Kaparra had some unwanted history with the fellow beside him. That must be why she hired him, not as protection from the local fauna but from the ill intent of others! Was it just this Ecaflip? Were there more after her? Why were they after her? It didn't matter much at the moment he could figure that out later. For now all he needed to know was Kaparra was the damsel, this Ecaflip was the distress, and it was Sotreum's job to protect others in such situations.

With a clear and present task at hand the Sacrier went right to work, turning towards the lummox with a casual confidence. "So frien--" he started before the Ecaflip began moving in the most unnatural ways to face him. Although these sudden movements had left Sotreum at a loss of words the Ecaflip a few choice words of his own that only further befuddled him.

"Your pants, they speak to me." the Ecaflip said in a voice that seemed distant. The implications of that statement scared Sotreum. "Hello, pants. What is your name?" That was it, this guy was off his rocker. It was no wonder Kaparra had been looking for protection this guy was so far off the deep end that-- "Tell me so that I may converse with you as a friend and equal." Wait. Wuzzat?

It then dawned on the tattooed warrior just what this oversized palooka was on about. The Shushu on his belt. That loud mouthed trouble making dagger of his, Küsdar. "Ah... Heh, y'know that's probably not a good idea. It was... juuuuuust my stomach! Yeah, been a little gassy lately. You know what I mean?" He threw out his cover up story as well as he could, hoping the Ecaflip was as bright as he looked and bought into it. His eyes darted nervously towards the door to see if Kaparra had made it out yet, not that you could tell where he was looking with his lack of pupils.
The Ecaflip nodded somberly, as though Sotreum had just revealed his darkest inner turmoil. His eyes brimmed with tears. "I relate," he said. "I relate." Then he reached over and, with clumsy, mechanical motions, patted Sotreum on the shoulder. Once. Twice. Three times. Then it just rested there, like a hairy sack of potatoes, and remained.

Kaparra, meanwhile, had finally reached the door, having ducked and dived through the crowded tavern. She had one hand on the door-knob, and the other-

Wait, why were her hands free?

Kaparra whipped her head around, the first time she looked back since she commenced her escape plan. Anomona lay on the floor below her vacated bar stool. She peeked out and gave Sotreum a vacant, curious look, her tail twitching in anticipation, her tiny arms wiggling in the direction the dagger at Sotreum's blet. Kaparra could only guess what ran through her star-shaped head, and frankly she didn't want to know.

Still, a symbiote was a symbiote. Kaparra snuck around the side of the room, ducking behind tables, taking the long way to get back to the bar.
Sotreum made a glance over his shoulder and saw Kaparra at the door. He breathed a sigh of relief and excused himself. Or he would have excused himself. He had half risen out of his chair when Kaparra inexplicably headed back through the tavern! Gritting his teeth he settled back into his chair and drummed his fingers nervously on the counter. He needed something to occupy this Ecaflip to buy even MORE time.

"So, uh. Watcha got there?" he asked pointing to the food in front of the Ecaflip.
The Ecaflip turned to look at his meal, then back at Sotreum. There was enough food in front of him to feed a family of four for at least a couple of days, and more came out by the minute. The aroma of so many elaborate combinations of meats and herbs and vegetables and spices filled the room. It was almost enough to mask the Ecaflip's own noxious stench.

"Everything," he said flatly, though his eyes held the quiet intensity of an artist at work. At least one of them stared into Sotreum's soul. "Roasted Gobball on a spit. Roasted Tofu on a spit. Grilled artichoke on a bed of couscous and beets. House salad. Bontarian salad. Gleesar salad. I have often been told that salad is good for the heart, so I bought another Gleesar salad. With extra croutons. Brakmarian sausage with relish. Alibert Special. Another Alibert Special. A third Alibert Special. Freshly baked croissant. Freshly baked scone. Cantaloupe, honeydew. A fourth Alibert Special. Winter squash soup. Summer squash soup. Lentil soup..."

As he rambled on through the entire menu, Anomona had climbed up the back of Sotreum's bar stool, using her tail for leverage. She reached out for Sotreum's belt. All the while, Kaparra crawled on the floor, under the table directly across from the bar, only an arms' reach from where the Gobgob was. Some of the patrons were giving her funny looks; the bar maid stopped in the middle of pouring ales to see just where exactly she was going with this.

Kaparra picked up a spoon that fallen on the floor, and threw it against the wall behind the Ecaflip. It hit with a loud clang and landed with a series of ever-quieter clangs. Then she reached out to grab Anomona and ran out.

A thick, hairy arm grabbed hers first. The diversion failed.

"Miss Kaparra," said the Ecaflip without taking his eyes on Sotreum, in the exact same rhythm as his list of foodstuffs.

Kaparra tried to wrench herself from the Ecaflip's grip, but failed. "Toag," she hissed.

"Yes. That is my name." Then he stood up and lifted Kaparra until she was at about eye level. Her feet dangled in the air.
Sotreum nodded in feigned interested at the impressive list of food. Mhmm, mhmm, yes fascinating stuff here. He only hoped that Kaparra would hurry up and finish what she was doing.

The clang of a spoon caught Sotreum's attention but when he looked back to the Ecaflip he was holding Kaparra by the arm. Oh...

"Ah, so you're name is Toag." He said while trying to keep his composure after the exchange he'd just witnessed. "And, uh, who would this lovely lady be?" he asked with a gesture towards Kaparra. Gotta keep cool and stay on top of the situation, that was about the only plan he had for the moment.
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